“If you think you are awaken by the alarm clock this
morning, try putting your clock beside a dead body and you will realize that
you are awaken by the grace of God. Life is short, you never know when is the
end of your life story”.
Last Sunday, I lost a cheerful friend. The
news was out and it says that she was murdered by her drunken brother. I don’t
want to believe it until now. I could still feel her present, I still believe that
she is here, at least to me. I could feel her soul, somewhere deep in my heart.
Though we’re not a close friend, but I see her everyday since my first year in
the university. And now, we are half way through semester 5 but she was no
longer here. I could still remember the first time we talk, when we were in
group of Organic Chemistry assignment. It was akward to be in a circle of
strangers especially during your first year, but she smiled a lot and that actually
helped to ease my mixed feelings during that time. And I thank her for that.
Just couple weeks ago, she and her friends went to my grandma’s house to have
an interview session with my ‘moing’ (it’s a kadazan word means grandparents)
regarding the Community Nutrition assignment. I’m glad that I managed to bring
her there despite all the obstacles and time factor during that time.
It
has been a week since she departed, away from our sight yet so close to our heart. Last Friday, a memorial service was conducted at FSMP, UMS in remembrance of her. The
room was filled with a lot of people coming from our faculty and other faculty
too. I was so overwhelm to see that a lot of her friends coming down to pay her
the last respect.
Many
people came and shared their moments that they treasured with her. There was
one poem, shared by my lecturer. It was “Death is Nothing at All” by Henry
Scott Holand. One of the phrase that hit me right away is “death is nothing at
all, I have only slipped away to the next room”. When my lecturer said that the
poem is comforting, I could not agree more.
There are 5 stages of loss and grief
in this life as quoted by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross; denial, anger, bargaining,
depression and acceptance. If I were to be asked on what stage I am now, I
would say that I am probably and slowly accepting the fact that she is no
longer here. However, there was a time that I reached back to the first stage,
denying the reality of the situation. A friend of mine said that, we can’t
never accept the fact of losing our loved ones, not now, not later, never. Probably
denying is the best defense mechanism to protect us from the wave of pain of
losing someone that is so dear. Here are some of the photos i took during the memorial service at UMS.
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Rest in peace dear Toh Wei Teen..
23 October 1992- 26 October 2014
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