Pledge

Deidre Casandra

2nd Year

Bachelor of Food Sc. & Nutrition

University of Malaysia Sabah

I may have not give my best on the first year of my degree,

I may have said thousands of sweet words to myself how motivated i was,

But all those things were the beautiful lies i took for granted,

I forgot how to work hard,

I took things easily,

All these things are the reason to my failure,

Therefore, this semester, 

I pledge to myself,

To do it with all my heart in everything i do.

And of course, with God's will.

still sad with my result :(

i can only sigh for the time being..

my spm result had been a ticket for my dad to give me very torn advice that makes me feel sad until tears fall..

he was so disappointed with me, his bright lil girl didnt manage to get a flying colour just like upsr and pmr exam...

im not that bright student anymore, who every year go to stage and receive prizes..i miss that defining moment, dad look so proud to see me..but this year, i disappointed him..im sorry, i know i have let you down..eventhough so many people tell me my result is okay and i dont need to be sad about it..but i still do feel sad about my result,its not a flying colour result..

he was mad, telling me how immature i was for not listening to him before..yeah because i was very quite memberontak , kuat main and all that kan..

my interest to study as i was in form 5 going down to a very low rate because science subjects were killing me and i felt like give up..i didnt study really hard for my spm and i ended up getting all C's in my science subject, KOTOH to me..now dad, you can tell me 'I TOLD YOU SO' for thousand times and ill accept that with teary eyes because thats the ugly truth that i have to accept with an open heart and positive mind.

on the first week of the spm exam, everything went very well, second week , i began to get weak..and the final week, i didnt care anymore about the exam..it was all science subjects on the third week and i went like 'just do it', apa yang sy merepek tu,ntahlah..

so yeah, result came out and i went like biasa saja until my dad knew bout it...sy dapat rasa kekecewaan yang teramat sangat.. sepa juga ibu bapa yang tidak suka tingu anak da berjaya kan..so, tulah sy rasa macam sy suda kasih kecewa dorang ne..

tapi biarlah, semua pun sudah terjadi, all i can do now is keep on moving..but i never want to repeat my spm exam tho!! biarlah ini jadi pengajaran, nanti sy akan buat dengan lebih baik lagi...

*dear Lord, do bless this child in choosing the right path in future...

p/s: ill listen to my dad more after this..

this so called perfect word..

I look good, i look happy , i look rich, i look perfect..

But I am not at all..

Everyone had their own flaw and so I am..

I wanna be a goddess, i wanna be beautiful , i wanna be famous, i wanna be rich..

I wanna have everything..and yes im being greedy here..

I hate when i get jelous because people get what they want and i dont..

but this is life, you have to just accept it...

i miss someone..so much..and its wierd because i miss him not like i miss my bf..

i pray..

i don't know what is wrong with me..i keep get mad over something that shouldn't be mad of.. i don't know what is wrong with me.. i just hope God will give me the strength to be patient in everything..i hope i have the power to be calm in facing every challenges that come against me..Maybe i'm thinking too much over stupid thing which is not relevant that makes me feel uneasy..i'm not good when comes to prayer.. i pray but not as hard as other people..maybe its karma..but its no use to regret. What happened ,had happened. I shouldn't think too much about what had happened in the past.. Maybe i sometimes become too arrogant over something,i know i shouldn't..but i don't know why..dear lord, do bless this child, because this child is forgeting about You and tends be someone else which she shouldn't be because she is lovely just the way she is ..I pray so that all my sins will be forgiven..i pray so that i wouldn't be arrogant towards people..i pray so that i wouldn't be a selfish people which i hates when i do that..i pray so that everything will be perfectly fine...amen..